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I always tell new friends up front I can get manically busy and that sometimes I tend to being a hermit when things pile-up. This is who I am. It won’t change. You can’t change me. Take me for what I am worth.

I do try hard to communicate and act as friendly as people desire. I continuously try to improve in this area, but facts are sometimes just the facts. I’ve spent a lot of my years self-obsessing over this behavior to the point of it being unhealthy and having some therapy about it (yes, proud to say it…the brain is just like any other thing, it sometimes needs maintenance, too) I’ve generally stopped that obsessing now. I know myself more and also know that I’m not acting in malice.

My good long-lasting friends and family know this well. And I love them. That is true friendship.

So when a recent new-ish friend of mine razzed me about being silent for so long and not RSVP-ing to a party this month I dutifully apologized and asked for forgiveness. I was looking forward to it actually. So the friend says OK after a few grumbles and then gives me the details of the party and says “looking forward to seeing you at the party!” This friend and I actually had a “routine” about my split personality that we joked about. My other personality even had a name. It was fun.

Then the next email arrives the next day.

It basically gave me the riot act for being such a bad friend and saying that the friend could not consciously continue the friendship and that I was being rude and disrespectful. That I must find time for them. Bullshit was called on me. I was un-invited to the party. We were done. Do not even respond back was the closer.

A “Well fuck you, too, I told you!” would have been a nice little cathartic missive to send back, but I didn’t. Instead, this is my response.

I am true to myself and honest with those who try to know me. I am deeply loyal and believe that finding out everyone’s idiosyncratic ways, and having patience with them, is one of life’s finer pleasures, and that this takes lots and lots of time to do. If my core values or attitudes that have been the same for decades are not compatible with yours, don’t expect me to massively change them in order to force something that you want. Continuous improvement, yes. Massive changes, no. You will only be discouraged.

Who am I? I’m Garrett. If you don’t like this forum post, or the opinions in it, I understand. That’s OK.

Have a nice day!